This was written July 8, 2012. Written by Heidi. So, Saturday was an exciting day for our oldest son. He was in his first official golf tournament. It was a city-run local, little junior tournament. There was supposed to be six holes played, but with the heat index warnings out, they shortened it to 4 holes, each a par 4. My husband took our buddy and was his caddy for the afternoon. The big, little man did a great job with his drives and chipping, but fell short with his putting. If his putting had gone better, he would have been right up there with the leaders. But a victory and the trophy were not his to be had that day. (Some other guy, who has been playing since he was five years old and tours around from state to state won.)
We tried to prepare him before the tournament and tell him that since he had never competed before to use this as a learning experience to take with him for future tournaments. We said that what we would find out with this tournament we could use in tournaments to come. We encouraged him to go out and think just think about focusing on each shot at hand, do his best, and enjoy himself. "Please don't worry about your score and have fun!"
Well, this poor little guy has gotten from his mom and dad a double dose of the "Competitive Gene" and he came home having had fun, but in the background of all his comments and stories was the fact that he didn't win and was not even close to the competition. I felt bad for him. I did not get our guys started on sports early in life. I hated the thought of them being too busy too early in life... and wanted them to just have fun and be kids... I didn't want them traveling on any tours and having their sport feel like work when they were just reaching age ten. I want them to find lifelong interests. I want them to know that they don't have to win to enjoy things like sports. (I could go on and on about all of this... and I will have my critics -my sons might end up being the biggest ones- but this is how we are going and trying to point them to a bigger picture... ANYWAY, all this for another time.)
He started to really get agitated about having not gotten up higher on the scoreboard and upset about not having gotten a trophy. I said, "Remember that quote from the movie Cars... at the end when Lightning McQueen says something about 'This grumpy old race car I know once told me somethin'. It's just an empty cup." My son came back with, "If they (the trophies) don't mean anything, then why do they hand them out?"
Good question.
Why is competing so important? Yes, it is a challenge and challenges make us better. Competing on a team teaches us to work better with others.... I personally LOVE to compete. I hate to lose... but it does not crush me. I came to realize as I competed that the more you compete, this teaches you how to handle loss. I knew that this whole experience would be good for my guy in the long run... but I got to thinking and wondering about the nature of competition in itself and why it is seemingly so important. Now, I am not a college graduate... have not written any doctoral dissertations on psychology or any other social studies... I am just a mom and wife, daughter and sister with a blog. :-) I just am here with my experience and what went through my brain.
SO... here were some of my thoughts: How in the world did competing become so lucrative in our culture? Why is the first thing parents ask other parents when they first meet them, "What do your kids do?" (I always answer, "Well, they're kids," and that throws them off. No wonder no one talks to me very long. ;-) There are sports and the top dollars go to the elite athletes. There are singing competitions and artists that win those get the best opportunities to make big money in their field. (Competition in the arts just baffles me anyway.) "Beating" people out for position at work is a common term. I have even heard more students nowadays call doing well on tests "slaying" them, "conquering" them, or "killing" them.. all to do better than other students to get coveted scholarships and top spots at schools. Crazy.
I got up at 1 a.m. Saturday night/Sunday morning after the tournament, I couldn't sleep. I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil and I scribbled all those above thoughts onto a piece of paper. What I have typed above here on the this blog entry is the first half of that paper. I am now flipping it over to the second half. What follows now... well, like I said before, I am not any expert at anything. These are just the thoughts that went through my head and not really conclusions that I came to... there are no answers to my situation, necessarily... just where I wanted to go, I suppose. Anyway...
What about striving to lift others up? What about making others feel good enough? What about the thrill of celebrating for others --- especially when they give their life to Jesus Christ? What about giving up and not winning so that others may live? Isn't that what Jesus did for us? Isn't that what He commissioned us to do? It should be about winning souls for our Lord, yes? We should fill our days with less competition and enjoy what God has already given us. His grace is enough. The end of this "race" is our death and our hope is in Christ Jesus for the life He promises. Maybe the focus should be more on learning, understanding, empathy and love... and less on marketability and competition and pride and recognition.
Quite honestly, I have a hard time with this. I LOVE the feeling of winning... of overcoming an obstacle and celebrating accomplishment. And I am probably making one topic out of about 4, 5 or 6 topics here. Competition makes our lives interesting and helps us to try and be our best. Just felt bad for our guy and he pushed us to take a look on how NOT "black and white" this subject can be.
Big picture: God loves us. No matter our accomplishments and trophies. We shouldn't have to feel like we NEED to do anything except to accept His gift of salvation and love others as He loves us. His grace saves us. It is here for the taking. No winning score necessary.
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Romans 4:5 But people are counted righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners.
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